While working on a scene in my book, I created an escalated argument between a husband and wife. It was supposed to result in an ultimatum and separation. I went free-writing along through it, letting it flow as naturally as I could.

Oops. HE said something that stopped the argument cold.  He capitulated. He was reasonable, and revealed his feelings and the root of the whole problem they were having.

That wasn’t supposed to happen. He isn’t a reasonable man. He’s one of those who keeps things bottled up, thinking it’s not manly to admit your doubts and fears, and discuss feelings. The whole scene depends on this characteristic.

So, I had to examine it again. Was I going to leave it this way, and create a different reason for them to split up? Was I going to scrap it and figure out what went wrong?  Oh dear.

Then I discovered the problem. Both characters turned into me.

While I was letting it flow, my own mind-set and emotions crept into the scene, and I ended up fighting with myself, letting each character argue the points I would make if I were her/him. I knew the inner thoughts of each of them, and reasoned out the solution.

But, they aren’t me. They each have their own desires and fears and dreams – and personalities.

I remember a warning I’ve heard from more seasoned authors.  Don’t make your characters yourself. So I am re-working the scene, more carefully this time, making sure I stay true to each of them. After all, they deserve their own voices, don’t they?

Making your characters different creates conflict, which all stories need. In fact, the more different your characters can be, the better the story will be. Remember – the only thing we have in common is our diversity!  Readers will get engaged in your story – recognizing characters and finding reasons to like or dislike them. You want that!

Besides, if you write yourself into every character, pretty soon they’ll think they know everything they want to know about you and your imaginary friends. Your readers will go on to see what other writers have to offer. You DON’T want that!

Charts I’ve seen on personalities and character flow seem awfully complicated to me, so I concentrate on two things:

1. Personality traits.  How do they act? Loving, hateful, gruff, talkative, timid, bold, sensitive, etc.
2. Background.  Why do they act this way?  Abused child, alcoholic, raised in a single-parent household; physical limitations or chronic illness.

You don’t have to reveal all of these, but use them to know your character and aid you in guiding them skillfully along the path you have chosen for them. Useful, too, because now you have given them other issues to overcome.

Get to know your characters. Take them out for coffee, dinner, drinks. Then write their stories, not yours.